L

Kids, I'm going to be out for a bit. Family stuff and getting-the-fuck-out-of-ottawa stuff- so if you superduper need to reach me, my cell's on most of the time (240-8457). Promise not to miss me too much.

I've been having a difficult time finding inspiration lately. I've taken very long walks and watched lots of arty movies and yet I have found nothing. I've thought very long and hard about changing something about myself to see my own reaction, but since it is in my nature to change my nature sporadically, there is no escape.
Every morning, before I open my eyes, my first thought is to wonder where I am, always in hopes of avoiding the sight of the red walls to which I have grown accustomed. Just once I'd like to find myself somewhere new..or old, anywhere but here. Not because it's just that awful here or anything like that- I would simply like a change from this (strangely multifaceted) monotony.
I want to be inspired. I want to meet thought-provoking people who'll knock me off my guard and who I can introduce to my friends and know that they will not be mocked after their departure. I want new ideas and perspectives, to know what it's like to be something completely different than what I am, whatever I am.
I know I'm rambling and that it's likely that no one's reading this drivel (drivel which could easily be summed up in a sentence), but at this point I could honestly not care less. I forget where this is from, probably a song, but "you gotta write to relate," which now that I think of it could just as easily be "you've got the right to relate." Either one applies anyway.
I think I've only ever told this to one person, someone who I will probably never meet again but am glad to have had the pleasure of knowing, but if I could sit down and spend every day for the rest of my life just writing, I would do so. I don't care that it isn't any good and that no one reads it, I enjoy it deeply as both a hobby and as a therapeutic element.
Off the topic- While searching google to figure out where the aforementioned quote is from (unsucessful), I came across a forum in which people were listing things that annoy them. One that caught my eye was "pride in ignorance." With deepest remorse, ladies and gentlemen I give you the western world. Yes, skeptics, I realize that I'm included in this stereotype. "Guys with big nipples" also caught my eye but I'm pretty much indifferent to that.
Now excuse me while I make tea and pretend to be an intellectual.

A likely reason for my inability to sleep:

Lookit how nifty!

jill is leaving tomorrow. jill is moving to germany. i like jill. this blows.

graduation was today. people are going to university. they are leaving me at ashbury.

i am not pleased with these new developments. i hate missing people, proud of them for getting out of ashbury and some getting out of ottawa, but still.

someone's claiming to have the icepick that killed trotsky though so that's nice.

exams are over
i had my last one saturday morning
now it's monday
i have no energy
i have no focus
i've been watching movies all day so far
i like how the world keeps on ending, but no one even notices
no one even cares
it ended again this morning, i wasn't scared at all
i'm so tired
i'm reading something by dostoevsky
i wish i were someone else for a little while
i really hate this
so so damn tired
dylan was here, i liked that
i cut my thumb making scooby noodles this morning
it was pretty bloody
some say a comet will fall from the sky
deal with it
rock 'n roll